Mark "Bad Boy" Balas
After
a disappointing finish to a 1-3 season, the one victory coming by default, the
M-2 B-team is looking ahead with optimism to 2002.
ìWe
knew all along this was going to be a rebuilding year,î Tim Geiger said. ìWe
wanted to work out some kinks, develop an offensive scheme and team mentality,
find out who we were, what we were made of. Are we disappointed not to be
playing in October? Sure. But hey, it gives us more time to reflect on our
failures and ourÖ wellÖ on the successes of the A-team. We can learn a lot
from Travis Brawner. He was a punter, you know.î
The
early exit also allows more time to plan for the future, a future in which most
of this yearís roster is unlikely to play a part. In fact, the team is slated
to lose 7 defensive starters, 7 offensive starters and two reserves, all
scheduled to graduate to the M-3 class.
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Mark "Bad Boy" Balas |
ìOf
course, a lot of teams will struggle when you have that kind of exodus of older,
experienced players, guys graduating, leaving for the next level, whatever,î
Ambar Bajpai said. ìSometimes, it can take years to build back up to where
they left it. But in our case, I think itís probably a real plus to replace
the entire team, regardless of who comes to replace them.î
Luke
Welch agrees.
ìListen,
fire the whole bunch. ëBon Voyage pussies.í They never came to play, so letís
bring up the youngsters and start this thing right from the get-go. Balas, we
donít want you. Do not return. This team will win without you.î
In
all fairness, this yearís team was marred by a number of controversies, both
on and off the field.
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Justin "Huge" Cox |
First
and foremost was the question of who would start at quarterbackóthe
straight-shooting, crew-cutted Justin ìthe Generalî Cox or the brash, young,
pony-tailed maverick, Jake Kesterson, dubbed ìThe B-team Bosworthî by the OMENís
Peggy Gray. Jake
" The Trouser Snake " Kesterson
ìIt was a tough decision,î Geiger said. ìI mean how can you compare those
two guys? Theyíre different quarterbacks entirely. They have different styles,
different aspects they bring to the game. Jake, heíll throw you a lot of
interceptions. But Justin is really slow and can go down in the backfield
without even releasing the ball. How do you choose between? In the end, it was a
tossup.î
Another
issue for the team was fan support. Early in the season, Geigerís girlfriend
sat on the sidelines and cheered the team to a successful handoff, followed
eight plays later by a three-yard quarterback keeper. The rest of the game,
however, she was found to be gazing one field over, as the M2 A-team dismantled
an opponent by more than 20 points.
ìSome
of the guys were a little piqued at Tim for bringing her onto our field,î Jeff
Mudrick said. ìShe really made us feel inferior, like we were somehow lesser
players, lesser people even, than Brawner and the A-teamers. I didnít appreciate being patronized. We told Tim to keep
her home if she was going to do us like that.î
Some
players felt the insult on a more personal level.
ìIt
really hurt, Jason Foerst said. ìI canít forget this one time I had some
pretty good coverage on defense and I look over to see if sheís there, if sheís
watching. Well yeah, sheís there all right, but her eyes are turned to the
next field over, to mother fucking Brian Kleiber as he chases some 19-year-old
frat boy opponent into the end zone. I had to leave the game I was so upset.î
One
more controversy, which not only impacted the B-team, but also served to further
the rift between separate factions of the M2 class, involved the desertion of
projected B-team starters Adam Fedyk and Brian Kleiber to the A-team.
ìThey
were meant for this team, especially Fedyk,î Cox said. ìAnd it disappoints
me that we groomed them for starting roles, built our team around them, gave
them our trust and our hands as teammates, only to see them run off to be part
of something they thought was bigger and more glamorous. It was a real stab in
the back, and one from which we never completely recovered.
But you know, the real victims in this were Adam and Brian. They betrayed
themselves, turned against their roots, their very essence, just to ride the
coat-tails of a tuxedo they were never meant to wear.î
Despite
these and other setbacks, the B-team did manage to score some moral victories
along the road.
ìI
remember this one game,î Balas said, ìwe had two or three plays where our
defensive line completely shut the other team down, and held them to like just
three or four yards. I was on the sideline for those, but I remember watching
and thinking, ëWow, this must be what they meant by the steel curtain.í Or
was it the iron curtain?î
The
team also led the league in punting yards, with Geiger totaling 1,950 yards
through the air, a 32.5-yard average.
ìI
think thatís something we can definitely hang our hats on,î Gieger said. ìThe
mile mark has never before been reached in this league. No one has come close in
any league in so few games, with the lone exception of that kid who played for
The Hague back in í86. Even so, that was a five man squad, and in the thin air
of the Alps.î
In
addition, Mudrick was noted by one teammate to have run some ìpretty nice
routesî in a couple games.
ìI
remember one time,î Bajpai said, ìMudrick took off from the lineóhe was
being covered by a bigger, slower, really heavy guyóand he kind of juked to
the left and then back and straight downfield and was gone like nothing. He was
nearly 40 yards out before he even noticed the play called dead for illegal
procedure.î
That,
of course, was just one of many penalties for the M2 B-team this season.
ìYou
know,î Geiger said, ìI did the calculations and if you took all our penalty
yards, added them together, then divided that total by the number of yards in a
typical scoring drive, we would have tallied about seven touchdowns, making us
one of the higher power offenses in this league. It just goes to show the degree
of parity in the game today and how the smallest things can separate the best
teams from the worst.î
Penalties
and all the rest aside, most players point the finger for this seasonís
disappointments at lineman Dan Hoyt, projected in the pre-season as 2nd
team all B-team. Recruited for his size, strength, speed and reputation for
terrorizing downed quarterbacks in the backfield, Hoyt shocked coaches by coming
into camp in ìappaling physical conditionî and four inches shorter than
reported by team scouts.
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Dan "Fat, Married" Hoyt |
ìLetís
just say from the moment we saw him drive in with those headphones strapped
round his ears and mouthing the words to God-knows-what, we knew we had
ourselves a hopeless project,î Geiger said. ìWe were expecting a man-child,
with chiseled thighs, tight buttocks and 4.7-40 speed.î
Instead,
they got a recently-married, poorly-conditioned half-man, with speed like a 4.7
cc-motored Spree moped. His buttocks, however, were tight.
For
the season, Hoyt managed two tackles, one in his own end zone, and three
occasions on which he forced a ball carrier to change direction or break stride
before continuing up-field for a first down. He was not named to the 2nd
or honorable mention B-team squad and was denied admission to the M2 B-teamís
post season awards banquet.
Nathan "Trisomy
21" Ratchford
ìHoyt really let us down,î Nathan Ratchford said. ìI joined this team
because I was excited about what we could do with him on the line. But he was a
non-factor. Actually, he was something of a negative force as he filled a space
that might have been better occupied by someone else, anyone else. Hoyt really
screwed us nice.î
Despite
the criticism, Hoyt said he looks back on the season with no regrets.
ìThey
say I didnít want it bad enough,î Hoyt said. ìThey say I didnít have the
heart. Well, Iím here to say you cannot measure my heart in tackles or sacks
or efforts to extend my arms to their full length to pull a flag or swat a pass.
In the end, it comes down to one thing. Iím Dan Hoyt. These guys came because
of the promise of what I would bring. I may not have brought it, but I did build
a team with a promise, empty as it might have been. I am Dan Hoyt. Dan Hoyt is
the B-team. The B-team is I.î