Obituaries

Marc Wade: Student, Dean of Medicine

  Marc Wade

Marc Wade:

Assumed Room Temperature
    Marc Wade died this past Tuesday after a long battle with Quotes Disease.   Mr. Wade had established himself at the University as being the student who knew how to turn on the powerpoint projector.    "I can't believe he's gone," said Megan Lear, "Now we're going to have to wait 10 minutes for a lecture to start just so they can figure out the stupid computer." Many students were shocked by the news.  "This is a true tragedy," said Christy White, "Mark Balas was a wonderful person and a true friend to everyone.  He would have made an amazing doctor...Oh, Marc Wade?  That's probably bad too." 

    But those who knew him best understood the long months of suffering that preceded his demise. "I knew Marc when he first arrived" said Nicole Clark.  "At first it was just a movie quote here, a South Park quote  there.  Soon he was quoting every day.  Eventually it reached the point where he didn't have an original thought in his head.  To him life was just a string of movies."

  Jakob Kesterson

Katie Marienfeld:

Put the Bastard Down

    He died the way so many sufferer's of Quotes Disease do, when Katie Marienfeld jumped up onto a table and stabbed him in the upper right abdominal quadrant with a knife brought in to slice bagels.  Objective 10: List what layers of the abdominal wall were passed through by the knife and possible complications of a stab wound to the upper right quadrant.  Describe how the emotional toll of a chronic disease such as Quotes Disease might affect the recovery from a stab wound in the upper right abdominal quadrant.  Many others in the MU community also felt Mr. Wade's passing.  "It's about time..  I never liked that bastard in the first place!" stated Josh Brownlee.  "The important thing is that we don't let this interfere with my studying for boards." declared Michael Farber. Blake Gornowicz had several things to say about Marc's passing.  They will be printed as soon as we can get Alisha Allen to translate them for us.
 

Jakob Kesterson:

Disease Sufferer

     Even as his fellow students put Mr. Wade to rest, their eyes turn to their comrade Jakob Kesterson, who himself is suffering with this horrible illness.  "This is a horrible illness," said Julia LaBarge, "but we can overcome it, and someday we will overcome it.  Until then I must take comfort in his long, flowing hair and adequate hygiene." 

    But such comforts come too late for those who knew and cared about Marc Wade. "He will be missed," said computer consultant Phil Neff.