COLUMBIA, MO ñ In a press release Thursday, Dean William Crist, Dean of Medical Education at the University of Missouri, announced that MU Medical Schoolís Bryant Scholars program is the grateful recipient of a 10 year, $10 million state grant.
ìOf course, this program began
before my tenure as dean of the medical school,î Crist said, ìbut the mission of
the program is very noble and logical. Starting in 1994, the Missouri
legislature recognized the need for physicians in underserved areas. Primarily,
these underserved regions were rural, so the ëRural Scholar Pre-acceptance
Programí was established with the philosophy that if we, the medical school,
accepted students from rural areas, someday they would likely return and
practice in those same areas as physicians. Unfortunately, as with a lot of
things, it sounded better on paper than what we got ourselves into.î
ìThe first Rural Scholars entered school here in 1998,îCrist continued. ìI wish Iíd been a fly on the wall when that first group showed up to orientation. Iíve only heard stories, but apparently it was straight out of an episode of the Beverly Hillbillies. The students were tolerable, just a little off as far as social clues and wardrobe were concerned. The second and third years were about the same. In 1999, the school decided to rename the program. I guess calling it the Bryant Scholarís program was supposed to soften the stigma and ridicule from their classmates. Whether or not that worked, weíll never know, because the entering class of 2000 pretty much made the name change irrelevant.
ìJesus, I donít know from what dregs we found these kids, but they were pitiful. Ever seen Deliverance? Thatís the kind of group we had on our hands. Jean Hall spent the first week alone teaching them hygiene and personal grooming. It wasnít until the second week that a custodian discovered one of the young men was using a hospital elevator as a toilet. Week 3, Moscatelli found a pair of swine bound to his desk. Funny, you say? I agree. But it gets worse. At one point during block 2, Dr. Paul caught one of the Bryant scholars licking a cadaver. Iím not going to venture what would have happened next.
ìI guess I canít blame the poor
bastards, itís all theyíve ever known and we tried to push a lot of new things
on them pretty fast. Jesus, whoís ever even heard of Monett, much less actually
have been there? Jean Hall was at her wits end. On her own, she was simply
incapable of modernizing the students to some sort of 20th century
standard.
ìSo we approached the state, and they were really sympathetic. Since the Bryant Scholarís program made them look good, they werenít willing to shut it down, and they really had no choice but to give us more funding. In my own mind I consider it my ëzoo-keepersí salary. [Chuckles] With this grant, MU will really be able to make the Bryant Scholars Program a functioning part of the medical school. First things first, weíve got plans for some basics like hygiene, etiquette, and reading instruction. Weíve got some more ambitious plans as well, such as Bryant Scholarís only restroom facilities; a Bryant Scholarís only lecture hall; a Bryant Scholarís only lab M, over at the vet school; and even their own dining facilities. Hopefully, we will eliminate the awkwardness felt by Bryant Scholars and non-Bryant Scholars by separating them entirelyî