Medical school commissioner Michael Hosokawa announced plans today for contraction, with two labs to be eliminated before the start of the 2002 school session, or block six.
While Hosokawa refused to name specific labs, there is widespread belief among insiders and members of the press that labs D and I, longtime doormats under the current system, will be the first to go.
ìItís a sad day for medical education,î said Michelle George, 2nd week quarterback and union representative for Lab I. ìItís no secret that weíve had trouble competing, that our attendance has been down. But the lab of I is crazy about PBL. Itís all people care about here. This lab just wonít be the same without it.î
Nor will any other lab if the proposed contraction, approved yesterday by 11 of 12 tutors, becomes reality.
Plans are already under discussion for how to distribute the 14 to 16 students who would be left without a lab after contraction. There would likely be a dispersal draft, in which remaining labs would bid on the newly released free agents.
Realignment seems inevitable, given that the MA-East and MA-Central divisions would each be losing one more lab from their already shaky lineups.
ìItís going to be a challenge,î Hosokawa said. ìBut in the end, I think this will be good for the health of the school. Weíve been spreading ourselves too thin and labs have fallen behind. The elimination of two means the enrichment of 10 and an overall rise in competitiveness.î
Such statements, however, are what most concern Studentsí Union president Chris Hempel.
ìItís interesting how easily Hosokawa reduces over a decade of history to a simple numberótwoóthen moves to delete that number as if it were a mere typo,î Hempel said. ìAs if the labs, the students, the farm league M-1 squads that feed into labs D and I, that also stand destined for elimination, are nothing more than the dips and curves of an errantly scrawled digit, now being erased from the tablet that is the school of medicine.î
ìWell, that is a little dramatic,î Hosokawa said. ìBut yeah, I suppose that is what weíre doing.î
Union chief Hempel is especially worried about the potential loss of as many as 16 slots from the M-2 class, and is lobbying for expansion of lab rosters to ten, from the current limit of eight.
ìWe need to accommodate these displaced students,î Hempel said. ìIím afraid they wonít make it any other way. With the exception of myself, a couple of the ex-pharmacists, and the Indian guys, you know Surya and Ambar, the engineers, these people have absolutely no marketable skills, no real-world experience. All they know is studying for tests.î
That argument, meant to bolster support for the anti-contraction movement, has done little in the way of gaining the publicís sympathy.
ìItís hard to feel sorry for the studentsí union,î Laboratory Assistant Debby Ferguson said. ìI mean these are a bunch of overly financially-aided, out-of-shape adults playing a kidsí game of schoolbooks and lectures. I say welcome to my world. Thereís a broken slide projector down the hall. Go fix it. Time to distribute X-rays. Hop to it. Itís 3:15, Iím gone.î
The biggest problem with contraction, as Hempel sees it, is that it is a shortsighted solution to a larger problem that has been destroying the school.
ìDuring the 90ís, Hempel said, ìthe medical education program underwent reckless expansion, from a single unit of nearly 100 students, to the current 12 franchises. The problem though, is not that we have too many labs, but that we have unequal distribution of intelligence among the labs.î
One example of a lab fallen behind is Lab I, which has, over the years developed countless young superstars such as Alex Campbel, Kate Stueve and Alisha Allen, only to lose them to larger market squads, such as Labs A and F, which can offer signing bonuses of windows, microwaves, mini refrigerators, even a coffee maker.
ìItís frustrating, Lab I tutor Lesa Beamer said. ìWe keep giving up our young talents, then signing guys like Blake Gornowicz, who was pretty goodÖten years ago. Then weíve got Jeff Mudrick, a guy who in all honesty doesnít belong at this level. And of course thereís (Scott) Kirkley.î
Kirkley, nicknamed ìthe John Rocker of PBL,î by the OMENís Peggy Gray, has been shopped around from one lab to the next, his attitude always outweighing his aptitude, his antics turning lab mate against lab mate.
ìLab I can kiss my ass,î Kirkley said. ìThey deserve to expire. Iím moving on. Iíll see the rest of them in hell.î
In contrast to the struggles of Lab I and others, Lab A, with itís large size and proximity to the restroom, water fountain and elevator, has in recent years built a dynasty upon the backs of such perennial all stars as Allen, Luke Welch and two-program star, fan-favorite Mozow Yusof.
ìWe donít want to share knowledge,î Yusof said. ìThis is the best lab ever assembled. Iíve spent one too many blocks around the likes of Luke Choi, Justin Cox and Jamie Joyce. My brain can no longer afford the continued assault of their ignorance upon it.î
With existing contracts between tutors and students to expire the night of December 14, 2001, Hosokawa is scrambling to offer concessions to the Studentsí Union, promising no lockout and no freeze on signings for next block.
ìI only wish we could make such pledges,î said Hempel, who has hinted at a possible work stoppage to protest the contraction plan. If enacted, the stoppage would be the first since 1994, when a strike of 232 days duration forced the cancellation of PBL exams and the delay of the 1995 school session.
ìIf that were to happen,î Admissions Coordinator Judy Nolke said, ìwe have a list of hundreds of formerly rejected applicants who would be happy to take their spots.î
ìOver my dead body,î Hempel said. ìFucking scabs.î