University ER Receives Flour Scare

         The University of Missouri Hospital and Clinics emergency room had a scare two nights ago when a patient presented covered in a white powder.  Concerned he may have been exposed to flour, Daryl Hickman rushed to the ER after opening a suspicious letter from a fourth grade class in Trenton, New Jersey.  While admitting he thought it was odd to receive a letter from a fourth grade class, Daryl did not hesitate to open the unusual letter.  ìI usually just get catalogs from that Adam & Eve porno place, so I was curious what a fourth grade class was sending me,î Daryl said.

            Upon opening the letter, he was covered with a mysterious white powder.  ìIt really freaked me out, I mean what kind of powder would a fourth grader send?î  Darylís immediate response was fear, fear that he might have been exposed to All Purpose Flour.  This prompted an immediate trip to the ER in Columbia, MO.  Upon arrival at UMHC, Daryl informed the receptionist that he is afraid he may have been exposed to flour.  While her immediate response was fear, Samantha quickly called her supervisor who alerted the Columbia Hazardous Materials Team. 

            Arriving thirty minutes later, the Haz Mat Team quickly secured the area.  This undoubtedly created quite a commotion in the ER.  However, not all who were in the ER were even aware of the situation.  Third year medical student, G.R. Thompson later stated, ìYa, I thought something was going on, but I had to fill out that damn Trauma Database and I couldnít figure out if the blood pressure was taken on the right arm or the left arm.î

            When questioned about the series of events, Emergency Room attending physician Dr. John Yanos reported that ìa bunch of guys showed up in cool moon suits.  It was like I was in that movie ëE.T.í  I really wanted to wear one, so I told the guys that I was the doctor in charge and I thought I needed a suit too.î  While the University ER has had other scares, this was the most legitimate one yet.  Haz Mat director Shane Crawford reported that ìthere have been numerous scares with cornstarch and powdered sugar, but this one takes the cake.  Never before were we so scared that Columbia, MO had fallen victim to the next flour attack.î

            After extensive testing, however, it was clear that this mysterious white powder was not in fact flour.  ìWe may never know what that powder is, but it certainly was not flour.î  Daryl no doubt felt fortunate after the good report.  ìI came in covered in that white crap, it is a good thing that it wasnít flour,î Daryl said, ìand these great doctors have really eased my mind.î  The scare obviously took its toll on the staff of the University ER as Dr. Yanos was asked to take a vacation after he went into fits claiming that ìthe alveolar membrane does not thicken, the transport time is just increased.î  No one, including the other physicians, had any idea what he was talking about.