Top Stories:

EXCLUSIVE: John Walker Misses Application Deadline for Class of 2006

John Walker, the 20-year-old American now being held by US special forces in Afghanistan, has missed the January 15 deadline for admission to the University of Missouri Medical School, Class of 2006.

  ìThe deadline is absolute,î admissions coordinator Judy Nolke said. ìWe understand itís been ...

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Michael Farber, 2^nd year medical student, is being held for questioning after a months-long federal investigation into suspected cyber-terrorism.

   ìOur initial focus was the middle United States, then Missouri, then Columbia,î Tom Ridge, Director of the Office of Homeland Security said. ìEventually, we narrowed it down to the medical school, the basement, specifically M2 Lab H.î 

        The University of Missouri Hospital and Clinics emergency room had a scare two nights ago when a patient presented covered in a white powder.  Concerned he may have been exposed to flour, Daryl Hickman rushed to the ER after opening a suspicious letter from a fourth grade class in Trenton, New Jersey. 

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Curriculum:

Study Released: SCREW Continues Screwing of Med Students

     It has always been a sort of unspoken assumption among most Mizzou medical students that there was a high correlation between material that is covered in their lectures and that which is covered on the end-of-block examinations, which are written by the Special Committee of Representatives for Examination Writing (SCREW).  A recent study published by the Retrospective Examination Auditors at Mizzou (REAM), however, has revealed some shocking results. 

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HUMAN INTEREST:

Who Do You Love?

     Find out who the most beloved guys are in the M2 class, and how you can decide who the most beloved women are.   

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World News:

Dyslipidemia Conference Erupts in Riot

SEATTLE:  Dozens were injured and hundreds arrested yesterday after a fiery speech opening the 28^th Annual Dyslipidemia Conference in Belleview, Washington whipped attendees into a frenzy of protest, violence and rage.

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Society:

Medical Student Renders ER Marathon "Unwatchable" for Family

           This Christmas holiday saw the Runnels family of Madison, Alabama fall victim to what witnesses referred to as ìa completely asinine act of unrelenting irritation.î The highly anticipated family gathering was marred by one of the children, third-year medical student Patrick Runnels, due to his numerous indiscretions...

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Advice Column:

Dear Salzer

William Salzer, MD is an infectious diseases specialist and an expert advice columnist.

Staff member trapped in Health Science Library for the holidays

COLUMBIA, MO ñ In a brief security oversight just before the winter holiday break, medical school computer network coordinator Phil Neff was locked in the Health Science Library for the duration of eleven days. 

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Adam FedykÖ.Engine of Destruction!

    We all know him as Adam Fedyk- mild-mannered, easygoing, slow-witted, sort of weird lookingÖ  The kind of guy you pass on the street and never give another thought to...ever again.  Never, even in our wildest dreams...

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Lifestyles:

COMICS: Bitchy and Ratchy

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