9 Year-old Boy Dumbfounded by
Pediatricianís Indefatigable Search for Bunnies, Squirrels, and Barneyís
What
began as a sore throat for nine year-old Nathan Hughes ended as an alienating
ordeal which stretched the limits of his sanity.Ý The
ìI just didnít
feel well.Ý It hurt to swallow and my mom
said that I had a fever.Ý I was supposed
to have a math test, so I didnít put up much of a fight when Mom said that we
should see the doctor,î said Mr. Hughes of the ill-fated day.
Nathanís mother,
Sandra Hughes, was concerned about her sonís health.Ý ìWe just moved here from
Upon setting
foot into the clinic, Nathan could sense that something was amiss.Ý ìEven though I told them that my name is
Nathan, they kept calling me ëKiddoí.Ý My
disparaging glances did nothing to quell this onslaught of diminutive
monikers.Ý It wasnít just the old lady at
the desk either; the nurse that put me in the room called me ëKiddoí, even the
resident doctor that saw me commenced our interaction with a ëHey Kiddoí.Ý Kiddo?Ý
The resident looked like he was only four years older than I.Ý You know, now that I think about it, I think
I even heard the doctors talking to each other about ëthe nine-year old Kiddo
in 42í.ÝÝÝ I felt like I was I in some
sort of Sesame Street Twilight Zone.î
Nathanís mother
had a different account of the incident.Ý
ìOh, I thought that everyone at the clinic was really nice.Ý I was a little apprehensive about having him
see a resident physician, but I realized quickly that he knew what he was
doing.Ý Nathan used to be afraid of the
doctors office, and I felt that the resident was fantastic about making Nathan
feel comfortable.î
ìI, too, felt
that he was fantastic Ö fantastically retarded,î countered Nathan.Ý ìHe kept referring to his stethoscope as his
fancy telephone.Ý I wanted to strangle
him with it.î
According to
Nathan, the most serious affront to his dignity came during the rest of
physical exam.Ý ìI told the doctor that I
had a sore throat, so he asked me to open my mouth.Ý Do you know what he told me as he shined his
flashlight down my throat?Ý He said that
he was just looking for ësquirrelsí in there!Ý
I kept thinking ëOf course, squirrels.Ý
Thatís why I have a sore throat.Ý
Itís from the giant rodent I got lodged in there.íî
ìHe went on to
look in my ears and sure enough, he told me that he was looking for ëbunniesí
in there.Ý I thought he was looking there
to see if I had an ear infection, but apparently he was on safari.Ý I think he looked in my nose for ëBarneysí I
donít even remember what else.Ý Iím glad
he didnít give me a rectal exam, no telling what he would try to find in
there.Ý Anal puppies?Ý Maybe a little colon kitty or two?î
The doctorís
visit concluded with a throat swab and a prescription for antibiotics.Ý Mrs. Hughes was quite pleased ìIím so glad to
have found a group of physicians that I can trust.Ý The best part was how well they treated
Nathan.Ý Iím definitely recommending this
place to my friends.î
Nathanís
reaction wasnít quite so optimistic.Ý ìIf
given the option of going back there, I hope I still have the choice of getting
mauled by wild animals.Ý Perhaps by
bunnies, squirrels, and Barneyísî