ìTest Bankî Found to Be a Room with a Million Monkeys at a Million Typewriters

 

ÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝ In an effort to streamline the Office of Medical Education, the Hunter Group conducted an audit of the OME.Ý Among several unexplained expenditures was the line-item for ìmonkey shelter and boardî.Ý Upon further inquiry, it was discovered that a room with a million monkeys at a million typewriters had been used for several years for the creation of exam questions.

 

ÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝ Dean Michael Hosokawa spoke of the room.Ý ìWriting fair and easily comprehendible questions is a difficult task.Ý It takes years of practice and hours of hard work to get it done right.Ý Which is precisely why we gave up altogether several years ago.î

 

ÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝ Since that time, the OME has gone through several revisions in the way exam questions are written.

 

ÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝ ìWe experimented with having faculty write questions and then switching the answers with another, unrelated question,î said Dr. Hosokawa.Ý ìIn the end, it seemed to be too much trouble.î

 

ÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝ ìThe final solution came from an unlikely source,î said Dr. Ronald Freeman.Ý ìWhen protestors effectively shut down all simian research at the University of Missouri, we had a bunch of monkeys lying around without anything to do.Ý As opposed to having a horde of monkey refugees lying around, we figured that we would just put them to work.î

 

ÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝ Dr. Blake was first to propose the solution.Ý ìWell, I read in an article that if you have a million monkeys typing at a million typewriters, they would eventually randomly type out the entire works of Shakespeare.Ý I figured that while Shakespeare has already been written, no one has written any exam questions.î

 

ÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝ Work began on the Monkey Typing Room in 1996.Ý It was created near the gross anatomy room to disguise any odors that would naturally accompany a room with a million monkeys.Ý The typewriters themselves were found rather inexpensively at garage sales and flea markets due to the advent of the personal computer.

 

ÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝ The fruits of this endeavor were seen immediately as the monkeys obediently tapped at their designated typewriter as though it were their natural duty.Ý ìIf it seems as though the exam questions and answers are completely random, it is because they are,î said Dr. Hosokawa.

 

ÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝ It appears that the expense of housing and feeding the monkeys has become a burden for the OME.Ý In addition, the clean-up costs were increasing as the monkeys took to throwing feces at each other during their breaks. The program has been marked for the cutting block by the Hunter Group.

 

ÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝÝ ìNow that the program will be shut down, we need to figure out what to do with a million monkeys,î said Dr. Hosokawa. ìAll theyíve ever done is tap randomly at a keyboard.Ý Concepts are being thrown around to dress them up and sell them as ëMonkey Butlersí or ëMonkey Bellhopsí.Ý Something has to be done.î