Columbia, MO (AP)- In a recent article published by the medical journal, "Clinical Correspondence for Respiratory therapists and Pulmonologists" (CRAP) reveals that baby talk may not only cause a sense of hopelessness in patients
families, but may also be directly hazardous to patients on ventilators in Medical Intensive Care Units (MICU).
The study primarily focuses on differences in outcomes among Pulmonary attending physicians at the University of Missouri-Columbia. It is a retrospective, head-to-head comparison of four MICU attendings over a three-year
time period. It was noted that when attending K was placed on service, the outcome measures of death, DNR status, and withdrawal of care rates rose dramatically. These outcomes were 300% greater than other attendings, S, T, and W during their tenures of service. The census of the MICU also dropped rapidly during these periods, indirectly reflecting mortality. It was noted that the average census of the CICU doubled for unknown reasons pending further study.
When families of the victims were interviewed a recurring theme arose, revolving around the peculiar vocalizations used by attending K. These included a strange accent and peculiar affinity to obnoxious, loud, baby talk. Families
stated that these verbalizations not only disheartened them, but also obliterated any hope that there would be a remote chance of a diagnosis or cure. "Thank God the medical student was there to translate what the resident was
saying. We are thankful that Dr. K explained the futility of our lives. We are all going to die, so why fight it."
This sense of hopelessness among families and poor patient outcomes can be avoided through educational efforts directed toward teaching attending physicians to use more mature and meaningful vocalizations. For example, if a
patient has a bowel movement during rounds, phrases such as, "Whoaaa..poo-poo!!", and "Doodieeee!" while pinching the nose, should be avoided at all costs, particularly on intubated patients with families present. Of
note, this data has not been reproduced by other institutions, especially because of lack of attendings with this distinctive speech pattern. House staff and medical students working in the MICU have proposed several additional
theories for the bad outcomes, but further cause-effect relationships are currently under investigation.