Terrorists

Columbia, Missouri - Terrorist ring discovered, with possible breakthrough lead in the sniper shootings.

Columbia, MO (CNN)- A recent lead regarding a newly discovered Al-Queda terrorist ring and a possible lead to the D.C. sniper shootings arose from the heartland today.   The lead could be a break that the FBI has been searching for, that will likely lead to multiple arrests.  The highly touted and decorated security service at the Harry S. Truman Memorial VA Hospital released a tape today, recorded earlier this summer, from the cafeteria of the hospital.   An Infectious Disease physician, who shall remain nameless, was recorded as stating, "Yeah, a VA nurse and a bullet are different because, a bullet draws blood, you can only fire a bullet once, and a bullet only kills one person."  This last part of this statement clearly demonstrated a ruthlessness of the VA nursing staff that could only be manifested by terrorists.

When the security discovered the tape earlier this week, they quickly took action, immediately seizing all computers.  During their intensive internal investigations, they discovered multiple Internet hits to military sites selling sniper training videos and automated weapons, particularly from the desk clerk computers.  Also middle-eastern porn sites were quite popular on the hit list, the top three being "www.indianankles.com", "www.amazingshavedknuckles.org", and
"www.soiled-burka.net", clearly being used to break the high moral fiber of the VA nurses as we know them.  Suspected brainwashing has also occurred, with multiple hours spent every evening on mindless gaming sites.  Computer surveillance reveals that they are obviously in a trance for hours on end, with no higher levels of cognitive functioning evident on tape.  The computers are still in lock-up with security and will be released at a later date, "When we're through investigating them...thoroughly."

This is not surprising, especially when turning the clock back to look at the multiple serial killers that the establishment has produced to date.  The "Succinynlcholine Mercy Killer", arrested after taking over 40 victims to the 7th floor while on the night shift.  "Glenda the Impaler", with multiple references taped by security of residents screaming the words, "Glenda, you're killing me!" And finally’Ķthe neurology department.

There are multiple arrests scheduled to be made to break up this degraded ring of killers, but as Monday is a holiday and it is currently Friday afternoon, so the arrests will be postponed to no later than next Tuesday afternoon at 2:30.
All VA Nurses are strongly encouraged to continue to show up for work and go about their business as they would if they were not being put under surveillance.  Posters will be placed in the hallways to encourage their normal
activity.