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Public Eagerly Anticipating Next Infectious Disease Panic
New Cast of AOA Has Teenage Fans SwooningThe Gamma Missouri chapter of Alpha Omega Alpha, the traditionally staid medical honors society, has a new face. And body. And sex appeal. M1 Tour Guides Impart
Loud baby talk may be hazardous to intubated patients
Lisa Ling, the 29-year-old popular co-host of the morning kaffeeklastch, The View, shocked fans recently by announcing she would be leaving the show on December 5 to join the 7-West nursing staff. We caught up with her to get the scoop about the career move. Surgery Intern Unknowingly Fasting for Ramadan
From TheBeardedDean Archives: Columbia, Missouri - Terrorist ring discovered, with possible breakthrough lead in the sniper shootings.
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M3 Class Indiscernible from Gigantic Whining Mass Following the latest round of core rotation shelf exams, third year students congregated in the student lounge to discuss their exams and rotations as a whole. Though several diagnostic tests were performed, onlookers and passersby were unable to distinguish this group from a giant whining mass. Surgery Department Offers Course on Competitive ArtsIntro to Competitive Arts, to be taught by Dr. John Aucar and neurosurgery resident John Morenski, promises to provide students with a ìHarvard educationís worthî of practical, demonstrable proficiency in the arts. Targeted to the special needs and learning style of surgeons, the course includes no reading or writing assignments and no discussions of art-inspired feelings or thoughts. Instead, students will be given a list of 600 high yield quotes and passages to memorize and ìthe top 300 photos, paintings and sculpturesî to recognize by site. The end of block project will be to prepare a Power Point slide on a surgical procedure, including indications, pathophysiology and at least 20 slides depicting minimally relevant works of art.Bookstore Guy to Creep Students Out for 30% OffThe Bookstore Guy will relocate to the atrium December 11th to offer students 30% off textbooks and equipment and to creep them out with excessively forward questions and personal-space-violating proximity. Students should expect flyers in their mailboxes, which will detail the special time-limited discounts on Health Sciences Bookstore products, but which will not detail the exact nature of the awkward conversations to be initiated by the Bookstore Guy.M4ís Enroll in Lounge Rotation Although elective rotations such as Dermatology have attracted many fourth year students to them, none have had the interest and participation that has been engendered by the Lounge Elective. The elective requires that at least one (but up to ten) fourth year student occupies the student lounge at all times, doing little more than taking up space and sending out mass e-mails. Conley Scholar to Publish Book on Getting Into Medical SchoolSaba Cossor, 3rd year medical student and former participant in the Conley Scholarís program, announced the upcoming release of her new book, Getting Into Medical School: Not Nearly as Hard as They Say. In the book, Cossor attempts to dispel popular myths about such topics asÖ GradesóìSure theyíre important, but itís not like you need a 3.4;î The MCATóìStop worrying, you donít even need to take it;î Hospital experience, extracurricular activities, volunteer work, demonstrated commitmentóìNot necessary.îTruman State Student Unaware of Ridicule From Fellow ApplicantsJohn Bigges, a senior at Truman State University, had no idea he was being scoffed at by fellow applicants during his medical school interview. ìLooks like it didnít matter that I couldnít get into Wash U,î Bigges thought to himself while stooping for a drink outside the Office of Medical Education. ìWeíre all on the same level now.î ìWhat is he, a charity invite?î asked Northwestern University student Puneet Singh, in Bigges absence. ìTruman State, whatís that a JuCo?î asked Washington U. student Jennifer Heeley. ìNo, Truman State, I think thatís the mental hospital. Or is it a juvenile detention center?î joked Harvard student Cassy Wright. MU student Jason Baker sat beside, laughing nervously.Free Lunch Interest Group (FLIG) Holds First Meeting The newly formed Free Lunch Interest Group met last week during the Radiology Interest Group meeting. Topics for discussion included finding the location and time of the next meeting and a short course on looking interested and inconspicuous. Astute M2 Discovers Bearded Dean to be An Onion Rip-off Following the release of the last issue of the Bearded Dean, a second year student was overheard in the hallway discussing its originality, citing that ìThe Bearded Dean is just copying the Onion.î In an unrelated story, test scores for the class of 2005 are the lowest in recent history.
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In a recent article published by the medical journal,
"Clinical Correspondence for Respiratory therapists and Pulmonologists" (CRAP)
reveals that baby talk may not only cause a sense of hopelessness in patients
families, but may also be directly hazardous to patients on ventilators in
Medical Intensive Care Units (MICU). 
Although he grew up in a small southern town,
completely unexposed to Muslim culture, Dr. Kauffman has been engaged in what
Muslim religious leaders have been calling ìan unprecedented display of
devotionî.
