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It appears there may have been some shady dealings at the recent M2 booksale. Obese Medical Student Gives Hope Sitting on your butt in front of the books isn't always conducive to the figure. Nurses Gone Wild: The Rosetta Stone
American
Pornographic Wedding New
Scholarship Program Announced The University is slowly preparing for the worst as January 1st approaches.
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Shakeup at OME leaves Hosokawa Jobless With the departure of Debbie Myers and the newly designed layout of OME, the school of medicine thought it had a plan to better serve the students. But one unintended consequence was the loss of dean for curriculum Michael C. Hosokawa, whose office now belongs to Tammy Phanichkul. Hoskokawa will take over Myersí old desk and take on the position of Judyís bitch.
The BD Remembers Anniversary of 9/11 It was on September 11th, 1963, that the final episode of Leave It To Beaver aired. We miss you, Beaver. Science from Around the World Decrying the lack of geographic equity in science, Hamzah-al-Yusuf Mohammad Akbar of Baghdad, Iraq has announced the creation of the Middle Eastern Blot test. In laboratory trials, the test was able to tell the difference between different types of curry, with a sensitivity of 93% and a specificity of 85%. Moreland to Teach Course Janet Moreland will begin teaching a new one-hour computer course for medical students. The class will be entitled ìMaking the most of your e-mail.î The first class, set to take place Oct. 24, will teach the art of ìtaking backî sent e-mails. University to Create New DICU The new DICU (pronounced dick-you), or Dumbshit Intensive Care Unit, will be directed towards those who are injured through their own stupidity. "With the abundance of undergraduates in town who can't handle alcohol and the plethora of hicks with guns who can't aim, it seemed natural to make them their own speciality care unit," said hospital director Cynthia Grueber. Construction Claims Victims M1 Sara Cross was killed yesterday in a freak accident. The ever-changing detours in front of the school left her dazed and confused to the point where she accidentally wandered in front of a bulldozer. The bulldozer, moving at speeds in excess of 3 mph, smushed her. Witnesses say it all happened too quickly to intervene; a combination of screaming and squishing sounds were heard as she was hit. An autopsy is planned to determine the cause of death. Test results showing if the bulldozer driver was intoxicated at the time of the accident have not yet been released. Friend Elizabeth Piontek said this in memorium, "It's probably for the best, she wasn't all that bright. Hey, is this going to be in The Bearded Dean? HI MOM! I knew someday I'd be famoused <sic>. Look, I can tapdance!" Dean McCallum had these
words at a news conference. "Who? Did she pay her tuition yet?
It's not too late to take someone off the waitlist for her, is it?" Eat His Heart Out M4 Sarah Swofford would like to get married before she leaves for residency. She would like everyone to attend her bake sale, where she hopes to raise enough money to buy a a full membership to Match.com. You can support her throughout the month of September by buying cupcakes in the atrium, where she will be for her next elective rotation. Coming Soon: BD Treasure Hunt No joke folks. Next month we will post a riddle which will lead one of you to a specific location on the University Hospital and Clinic grounds. There, you will find an envelope; e-mail The BD with the correct contents of that envelope, and we will place a an honest-to-goodness prize in your mailbox.
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In
the second (and probably last) piece of a multi-part series, The Bearded
Dean attempts communication with nurses past and present.
