Dear Bearded Dean,

Everyone in the school thinks I am this wonderful dancer and they always egg me on at parties. They don't understand that dancing like a drunken horny idiot is an addiction, not a hobby, and I can't kick it! What can I do to make people realize my plight and help me beat this horrible disease?

Sincerely,

Paul Greco

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Dear Paul,

You are an AWESOME dancer! We loved you at Terrortoma, and seeing you grind on the girls is just so inspiring! We tried some of your moves at Prom last weekend and ended up with a hernia. We may need some lessons.

Sincerely,

--BD Staff